back at home..

im so so so tired today !!!!
anyway, its worth..
saw baby love today..
cute de lo...

woke up ard 248pm den rush to bath..
got on to de bus ard 325pm..
ii was darn excited de lo..
took de bus to tanglin community & walk to de opposite side..

wa laos, de bridge de stairs darn high.. sumore, so hot..
wan my life siia... but anyway, ii conquer it..
muahahahahs....
took bus 186 & within 15min.. ii've REACHED....
was feelin so hungry but ii never go eat lahss...
wait alone for almost 2 hrs lo..
watchin tv & seee so many mummy-to-be with their hus..
was feelin abit sad though..
den its my turn..
doc never poke de long pole in..
cos baby is big enough & i saw de heartbeat..
beating so hard.. trying to live on its own..
this lil love of mine is very very active de lo..
de doc scan de other way, it started to play..
as though its waving to me..



cos de lil hands & legs was kicking up & down...
at tat moment.. ii wish HE was there with me..
to see de lil miracle we have created...
within 10 days.. ii gonna go have a detailed checkup.. wad OSCAR de...
need to check body & do blood test..
gottta find $$$$ & im so scared..
still, ii am goin alone..
hahahahahs...


i'll see baby love in a mth's time...
till den.. mummy hearts euu=)
im sleepy.. go to my lala land le..
OH YA.. lil love is officially 3 MTH OLD in 5 days time ...

medicine changed !!

im so STRESSED.. EMOTIONAL NOW !!

im trying to be stronger now.. NO..
I HAVE TO BE STRONGER NOW...

baby love, pls do accept me for who ii am...
im trying to give euu all de best ii can do...
i promised to protect euu , be ur ally forever...

even if ii wanna cry, ii wont let anyone know now..
cos I AM goin to be a MUMMY soon...

so, who ever wanna say those hurtful stuffs, bring it on..
ii wont show how weak ii am...

family... ii jus wanna ur support...

Monday, December 14, 2009

im so so so disappointed..
i cant get to see baby love today..
cos de doc has gone overseas & will be back tml..
so, ii got to book appt tml lo..
nvm.. 1 more day..
i'll wait =))

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯起来

LOVED @ 6:59 PM
the distance I'd went

下一站。。。幸福

LOVED @ 4:29 AM
the distance I'd went

YEAH YEAH YEAH...

im going to checkup tml...
im goin to see euu soon, love...

jus called korkor to ask how to get there...
so decided to take bus190 to tanglin communinty centre den change bus186..
im so so excited...
im not goin alone..
im goin with euu, love...
cos euu are part of me...

i'll always remember tat...

nervous nervous nervous..
I WANNA SEE UR HEARTBEAT !!!!

*meimei is not here with mii.. ii miss her soo soo much =x

LOVED @ 12:00 AM
the distance I'd went

Sunday, December 13, 2009

THAT WAS A WONDERFUL NIGHT YESTERDAY !!!

1st , veron met me to have dinner at far east.. chat & chat & chat..
ard 10, li they all ask me to meet them at orchard mrt ...
went to bq for drink..
but ii didnt drink much lo..
1st, for my health.. 2nd, those aunties wont let me drink.. thats very nice of them lahss...
really have to thanks li & bf, kelly & bf, jessie ...
we talk about wad happening in my life...
thanks for giving me de support !!! ii know de road is tough but ii am goin to get through de !!
remember to be my baby's naiba as promised =))

osama reached ard 12 plus... li they all went home as they got to work..
osama ask mi acc her to BARDOT... ok den..
she den saw 1 of her fren there & den start drinking..
of course, ii also didnt drink so much.. cos ii was pondering on my things & osama scare ii was so siians... keep talking to me.. den she tell mii her lil secret..
'LING, just wanna say.. we all know ur lil secret, but we are frens so long.. this thing euu dun have to say, we also will respect ur decision de... so no worries...'
cos ii have every each of euu guys support, euu will have ours too...
hahahs..
my baby is so fortunate... so fast got so many ppl dote..
ii wont be jealous cos she is mine too =)
clair went to find me with HER BF for a smoke..
ii know she is worry for me too...
she knows im hurt in some other ways which ii kept it in my heart..
im really thankful for her thoughtfulness...
MISS WEE... xiexie ni =)
text jiejie say maybe ii'll be moving out with her..
she ask mii to think very carefully cos its a very tough road to go....
im serious ok..
ii jus pondering how my family is goin to accept de fact den...
& ii am goin to struggle to become independant le....
ii know de 1st step is always difficult..
its like throwing sum1 who dunno how to swim in de middle of de sea to learn swimming..
im scared..
ii hope ii wont die before learning lo...

de real world is not a fairytale.. fairytale wont come true..
ii have to get our from my lil dream... who say pregnant woman mus really got sum1 euu love to peii euu for every checkup .. being there when euu give birth...
stop all these dreams & start workin bahss .. YANYAN...

okok... baby love....
stay in my tummy & be good arhss...
we will go this thru together de =))
i'll check on euu few days later...
till den..
mummy hearts euu...

LOVED @ 6:22 PM
the distance I'd went

Saturday, December 12, 2009

5th night..

jus came back..
meet him to help pay de bills for starhub & electricity..
he look quite shag de bahss..
maybe he is stressed for so many things..
didnt take his car to de ATM machine...
ii dunno y ii can be so hard hearted..
maybe ii still dunno how to face him..
ii still cant trust him..
ii heard a gal voice when he called this afternoon...

CONTRIDICTING...

ii dreamt of him last night..
maybe it hab become a habit of missing him before drifting to sleep..
he used to tuck mi to bed, switch on de aircon & fan..
help mi cover blanket & lay beside mi till ii got to sleep...
he is de last person i see when ii sleep & de 1st person when ii open my eyes in de morning...
but things become so much different during de last 2 days..
he slept before ii do...
ii slept in de living room while watching tv..
he was out when ii wake up..

maybe ii am too dependant on him...
but he is always not there when ii woke up from my nightmare..
cos he is outside in de living room doin his work which ii cant blame...
but at least, he changed abiit...
he will come to me whenever ii shouted for me..
this is enough to warm my heart for de day...

zhen shii de...
tml bringing meimei to grooming....

LOVED @ 3:17 AM
the distance I'd went

Friday, December 11, 2009

thank you for hurting me in any ways euu can...
i'm so so so tired....

think meimei know i'm feelin down last night.. she slept beside me de whole night thru..



aniwae..

HAPPY 23th ANNIVERSARY TO MAMA & PAPA !!

LOVED @ 4:23 PM
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4th night....

jus now went to see doc myself...
went in less den 5 min .. cost me $139.10..
SO EX siia...
kaos..

was feeling sooooooooo confused...
ii really dunno wad to do...
i'm so so so tired..
meimei is getting on my nerves..
she is so playful & doesnt listen to me anymore !!!
shiit..

LOVED @ 12:48 AM
the distance I'd went

Thursday, December 10, 2009

3rd night..

jus wake up from my short sleep..
sleep soon after he msg me... ard 2 plus bahss..

this few days we have been msging..
ii also dunno wad to say... ermm... de feelin is like we are still together but..
aiiyas.. COMPLICATED..

aniwae... went to IKEA with daddy & sisters to buy bed frames..
mummy wanna buy 2 single bed frames cos de queen sizw bed in our room has spoilt..
went there shop for 2 hrs plus & we spent ard 350 bucks..
we used to buy our furnitures there when we wanna move in to out hse at blk 5..
ii had lots of memories there...
back den, we are very happy & excited.. & of cos.. SWEET...
3mths & it CHANGED..
HORRIBLY CHANGED...

ii duwan to replaced anyone in ur life cos ii duwan to be compared to..
euu always say ii am diff from ur ex.. but have euu ever wondered? euu have been comparing me to her unknowingly...
ii know ii am wrong to hurt euu by rakin de things euu did in de past when we did not know each other... ii hab accepted it tat its ur past but because of de quarrels ii use it to hurt euu..
BUT .. this is wad euu teach me to...
euu teach me how to be so cruel to de 1 i love..
& ii know ii have to quit this habit...
ps.. when sum1 say something euu dun like, its not they dun like euu.. they wanna euu to changed... when sum1 who doeant correct euu.. is sum1 who doesnt even care...
ii never say ii wanna control euu to become who ii wanna euu to be...


Miss Wee got a new BF.. & ii know they will be happy forever.. cos this guy will dote her more den those irritating guys out there... JIAYOU lo =))

LOVED @ 4:59 AM
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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

2nd night without him...

today he went to find mi.. to take things from mi..
ii didnt give him any chance to talk.
he msg mii say lots of things..
he said ii am brave & can live without him..
but he didnt know ii am in pain too..

ii wanna let myself to cool down & think of how am ii goin to move on..
cried myself sleep in de morning ...
till evening den meet my bitches at lot 1 ..
didnt see de doc cos its close..
so have to wake up early tml liiaos...
hope ii can sleep better tonight..

LOVED @ 1:14 AM
the distance I'd went

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

1st night at my own home without him anymore..

not used to it !!!
miss him so much.. but ii know ii have to leave my life without him anymore..
ii will be able to do it de..

ii think meimei doesnt know she is not goin back to de house anymore...

haiis.. wad to do?
BORING ARHSS!!!!!!!!!!

ii used to thought of having a bf who loves me so much tat he will protect me from harms ..
a bf who will stand by me , who will show me off to his fren..
instead, he even insult mi in front of his so called fren..
though ii dun really like this fren of his, ii never say much..
cos ii know he dun really have fren..
but this so call fren, he say tat when bf is broke, bf used to find him for food & stuff..
ii wanna ask him, so NOW when bf is broke.. have euu ever say euu wanna pay him de $$$ he lent to euu HUH?
this so call fren of his, ALWAYAS ask him out.. TO DRINK & TO FIND GALS TO F...
ii ask my bf once... is he really a fren or wad?

haiis...
ii dun wan to say anything anymore.. since euu have chosen this path..
ii always console myself whenever euu say things to hurt me...
' HE IS JUST SAYING THINGS TO HURT ME WHEN HE IS ANGRY.. HE DIDNT MEAN IT '

but now, ii have to stop finding excuses to lie to myself..
cos ii know, euu have changed me into a horrible gal..
who loses trust in euu..

ii admit ii am not a good gal but at least.. ii am always true to euu..
instead, ii always have to worry for euu..
OUTSIDE FOOLING AROUND OR WAD...
& UR LIES !!!

ii have to think of alll de bad things to make mii forget euu..
but.. ii am glad to be ur pamper baby once.. THANKS..

LOVED @ 12:30 AM
the distance I'd went

Monday, December 7, 2009

EVERYTHING HAVE BECOME SO DIFFERENT..
including me...

been thinking of de problems for de past weeks..
finally, ii made de decision...

ii am not goin to suffer myself by hating euu..
cos ii know ii still love euu..
ii am jus goin to live & till de day ii have finally give up on euu...
I'LL MOVE BACK HOME..

so, euu can jolly well hurt me as much as ii can...
ii know i'll be numb 1 day....

LOVED @ 3:09 PM
the distance I'd went